Mother's Day...when it's the little things that count

I'd like to think i'm a pretty good mom.  I mean not mother of the year by any means, but i try.  I take my girls with me everywhere i go, I pick up their friends, take them places, try to be the cool mom while still keeping them close.  I don't expect much in return.  just Respect.  I believe in saying please, thank you and your welcome at every chance you get.  Always say bless you when someone sneezes, and try to be helpful to others.  I've drilled that into my daughters every chance i get.  however i have spoiled them and their father.  i know it, it's my nature, to be serving, helpful, to put others first and me last.  and at times it's rather rewarding, i don't mind...that's why i do it.  But mother's day and birthdays are the two days a year i think i deserve off.  I already dont' get any sick days...i should at least get those two days you would think.  but nope...this year in particular, i woke up Sunday mother's day to a sleeping house around 9am.  I waited...until 10am.  nothing.  so i got up and made breakfast for everyone.  I didn't have much bacon so i asked the hubby if he could run to the store.  but he was to tired so he went back to bed.  I plated everyone's breakfast and then my hubby got his in bed.  My oldest daughter asked me to take her to the store to get stuff she needed for her project.  so we went and after that i did yard work.  Cooked a frozen pizza for lunch and got ready for dinner.  i had planned on taking my mom, brothers girlfriend, mother in law, and two sister in laws out to dinner.  i was going to pick everyone up in our new SUV and i was excited to have a nice dinner with no kids.  Well my two sister in laws and mother in law backed out so it was my mom, bro's gf and I...which was totally fine. we had a good time.  But an hour into dinner my family is calling me, texting me all from different phones of course...asking where i was, why was i taking so long.....

I ended my night with grocery shopping and laundry.  that was my mother's day.  Now i tried to smile all day and not have a pitty party because i shouldn't expect my family to do anything like cook for me or clean for me, because that's just not what they do.  Would it be nice? of course, it would be super nice, but that's not the family i raised, i raised a family who asks what else can mom do for me because i don't think she's doing enough all ready.  SO i partly blame myself for being neglected and not made to feel special on a day that is on the calendar as mother's day.  i mean someone must have thought it was important enough to honor thy mother to make it a national holiday right?  ***SIGH*** 

What I DO know is my mom had a wonderful mother's day and we had an amazing dinner together...after all it was her mother's day too.  She deserves to feel special just as much as i did.  So my goal for mother's days forward from today is to make my mom's mother's day special and not worry about myself.  It'll be less of a let down that way. and at the same time will full-fill my desire to people please...see a win win.  and on that note...happy late mother's day!

Modern Relationships with an old fashioned mind set..

I should start today's entry by stating my husband is old school mexican.  It's not a racist comment, i love the latin culture...but if anyone knows how mexican or even latino men are...then you'll understand why i started with that comment. 
I grew up a mixed culture child, i had brothers so naturally my mom and i did housework, cooked etc. while my dad and brothers did yard work, took out  garbages and fixed stuff.  My father was very involved with us kids, took us fishing, biking, kite flying...both parents worked full time, middle class family.
 I met my other half when i was 18, i had just turned 18 actually...but there's more.  He is 2 years younger than me.  yes yes i know what in the heck but regardless of all that we've now been together almost 16 years and have three gorgeous daughters together...so there! :)  So back to my point.  We were young, i was just out of highschool and wanted to party all the time.  I worked, I was responsible to an extent, I just wanted to have fun.  I was young, what else can I say.  We had our first daughter when i was 19, in fact I turned 19 when I was 6 months pregnant.  We weren't together long, and that is where my extent of responsibility lacked, I didn't sleep around at all, I was only with him and I had to face the fact that I wasn't careful. 
Fast forward to now.  I'm 33, we are STILL together after much turmoil, infidelity, and many other unmentionables (not on my part I might add) he has turned his life around and is a good provider and father.  My problem lies in this.  I work full time, i cook, clean, take care of the kids, dogs, house, yard.  I volunteer at work, I'm social so I have a lot of friends, But my partner isn't much help.  Oh he thinks he helps, and it's an argument for sure.  But he's not much help at all.  If anything he makes things harder....I just think it used to not matter or maybe i didn't notice because i have that I can do it by myself anyways attitude, but with the added children, pets, home ownership, i'm starting to bear to much weight on my own.  He believes i should be cooking, cleaning, home with our kids, and working, and heaven forbid I rest, because there has to be something i could be doing.  While he A. works. B. sleeps.  yes that's all really.  he'll do stuff here and there, start a project then find an excuse not to finish.  Cook dinner on occasion. rarely.  But i get a disgusted look if there's a dish in the sink?  Who said it was only my job anyways?  i'm curious about that....
 I am an old fashioned woman..I get up at 4am to make his lunch and make sure he's up, has his coffee, etc before work.  Then i get our three kids up and out the door by 6:45 am, work at715, my lunch i go home to let the dogs out, clean up after them, start laundry, maybe eat, back to work, off at 415 to pick up kids and get home to make dinner, clean house, run kids around...But i dont' think it has to ONLY be my job.  i'm not that old fashioned, if i was i'd be a stay at home mom.  That's a whole other full time job, yet i'm working full time and being a full time mom because dad isnt' sharing the responsiblity.  on the weekends, he rests or goes to play golf.  I can't go out with friends, because what am i doing going without him, yet he doesn't want to do anything.  how can i be a modern woman like this?!?!
Question of the day would be this.  How can I be a 1950's June Cleaver Momma while still maintaining a 2012 woman in the corporate workforce mind set?  Is it wrong that I want to have happy hour with the ladies?  Or go shake a tail feather a few times a year?!   I feel so tipped over to either side so often i dont' think i could stand straight even if i wanted to anymore.  Where is the balance? And if you know where it is can you please point me in the right direction?!

Work/Home Balance...is it really as balanced as you thought?

it's always hard to leave your children at the sitter when you go off to work.  Especially the first time.  It gets easier the older they get.  Sometimes.  It's definitely easier when you trust your caregiver and feel comfortable.  For me i have found that the older my kids get the harder it has been to work.  In the beginning work was my refuge from my crazy house.  But now that they are older, i feel like i'm missing something...like i'm missing them grow up and be women.  How can i shape and mold them to be model citizens when i'm not with them to do that? 
I dropped off my five year old, my baby, today and she cried and cried and said she was going to have a long day because she misses us.  And why do i have to work and make her miss me all day?  it broke my heart and i'm not a sappy cry all the time mom.  But i cried the whole way to work.  This is my last child, my baby, and she needs me, but i'm out of vacation for another month and won't be able to spend time with her until saturday.  Why do i have to work? Because i have to pay bills...because i need 401K, insurance, etc.  But really If I tried hard, i probably could stay home and be with them.  I could find ways to make money ... couldn't I? 
And that's when I realized my life is so out of balance i can't believe i walk straight!  How did I ever possibly feel like I had my stuff together before?!  It is time to re-evaluate and prioritize my time. 

daydreaming......finding yourself lost in the middle of the day staring at your computer screen for oh shoot 25 minutes!  That far away look in your eye where anything but numbers is on your mind.  It could be that amazing sale that you can't wait to get off work and get to.  The vacation that is coming up in a few days.  That frozen dairy goodness called ice cream waiting in your freezer.  That hot coke guy who restocks the machine.  okay i think you get the point....do you ever laugh in the middle of traffic at something someone said?  Remember a funny thing your little one did or said...something numnuts the dog did that was stupid funny.  Or smile a sly smile at the thought of last night and how you just realized you could bend that way!  Blush a little at the thought of another and wonder if they noticed you that day.  Have tears spring to your eyes at a random moment with the memory of a loved one.  The smell in a store take you back to your childhood.  It's important to take time and remember..dream...just let go of your mind and have 5 minutes of peacefulness.  In the middle of your busy day, stop, walk out to your car...close your eyes for a few minutes... and dream...don't think, don't contemplate about all that's on your plate, about your bills, about your kids, about your significant other.  Just be you for a few minutes.  Picture yourself with that hot actor for a steamy quicky session...or picture yourself on a beach with a corona.  Whatever makes you happy for five minutes a day...DREAM about it.  it will make your reality that much better.

Remember to always dress in something nice before bed, you never know who you will meet in your dreams.  ;)

work lunches...is it really a lunch?

It's always funny when i pull up to the gas station go for my debit card and it's not there..NOT!  As I gracefully exit, I hold the expression of ... yes...i really meant to stop at the pump, look at my purse and then take off, so what, you gotta problem with that?  Like suddenly i'm from Jersey and i'm giving them the chin.  And that's just the beginning of my hour. I run home after my graceful turned into wise guy exit.  Now my house is only about a 10-12 min drive, depending on "traffic".  I have two dogs, ones is a new puppy who is in a kennel so i have been running home to let my sons outside, feed them,  go to the bathroom myself and hopefully snag a bite.  Only today I had to make a few phone calls and  then bam i'm late for work because i only get an hour (wait i said that already) and i still have a 10-12 min drive back (which makes sense considering it was that long of a drive to get there).  CRAP! I STILL need to get gas because my debit card was at home when i originally pulled up to the pump, which i was going home anyways so that just irked me even more because i could've avoided that stop in the first place.  so i lock up the dogs, lock up the house......and is anyone tired yet?  Or hungry?  because in the midst of all the things i was doing on my "lunch" i forgot one key ingredient...LUNCH!  I snagged a lean cuisine out of the freezer and clicked off...(i'm wearing heels today, purple ones that are super cute actually).  Thank goodness for a desk job, at least I can eat at my desk during my break to make up for the lunch i sorta had. 

And so it begins

I have been wanting to start a blog for quite some time now.  I have always enjoyed reading and writing.  I wrote short stories and poems all through high school and am typically the offical "note taker" for all meetings as of current.  I've even often joked about starting my own novel.  I do love to write, but it's not just that.  It's what happens, in real life, to just me that is absolutely hillariously unbelievable at times.  And THAT is what i need to share.  I have always been upbeat, funny, and love to just be out doing stuff.  Basically a social butterfly...so this gives me an opportunity to share all the funny stories that happen to and ordinary person like me and maybe you'll in return find enjoyment in reading such happenings.  Some are unbelievable, I wouldn't believe them myself if i hadn't been there!  But believe me when i say one thing..I'm genuine and honest and have the worst poker face EVER.  So hand on the bible what i BLOG about WILL be true and you will be crossing your legs...hoping you make it to the bathroom in time while reading.  Don't say i didn't warn you!  So .... here goes nothing!